there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
