New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
