you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
