i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
