I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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