I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
