my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
