just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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