I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
