You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
