i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
