I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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