This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
