his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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