My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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