Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
