omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I believe in your delicious
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