I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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