I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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