those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
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