i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
