Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
