I never want to see another naked old woman again.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
