So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
