Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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