Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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