Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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