I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
