Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
