it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
