seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
