dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
