This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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