barbara walters just said penis...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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