if you like me you must not know who I am
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
