well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
