ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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