I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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