sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
