i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
