A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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