Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My ATM looks so different sober.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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