In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
