She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
