Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
they're like a gay fantastic four
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
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