I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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