he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
