Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
