Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
