You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
