She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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